The Wait, The Rut, and The Free Fall

Posted by on 19th Apr 2015
{% img /images/2015-04-19-security-16315484448_ddd8c07419_o.jpg 460 250 'Kid with leaves' %}
Photo credit: Blue Silhouette

When was the last time you've been waiting for the ideal moment? The right moment to tell someone you'd like to work with them. The right time to tell someone you like them. The right time to split up. The right time to start a new business. The right time to ask your boss for a raise.

We always wait for the perfect situation to do these things. When the moment eventually comes we're going to see it, and then we can ask, or act.

The problem is, the ideal moment never comes. It's never the right time to split up. It's never the right time to quit a safe job and do your own thing.

One could say he or she is waiting to have an exact amount of money on their bank account. Because only when that money is available, they can feel secure enough to take the plunge. But every time they are short, that money needs to be invested, e.g. a car repair.

Look at dating and relationships for example. Did you ever have the feeling you'd find a BBD (Bigger Better Deal)? People think someone else might be better for them, right in the moment when their date sits right in front of them.

The thing that's feeding The Wait is: fear. Fear to be lonely. Fear to be poor. Fear to never make it. Fear to never have had kids at the end of their lives. But I don't believe anymore that fear is the problem. The problem is waiting.

The Wait

We're told that when we work more and longer on a certain thing, the result is going to be better. The more effort we put in, the more we get out.

Waiting keeps you stuck in the thing you're in. Because The Wait promises that everything is going to be fine if only that ideal moment comes. When he finally appreciates you fully. When she finally understands all your problems and spends more time with you. When your boss finally sees all your effort and gives you a raise.

Waiting is what keeps you in The Rut.

The Rut

The Rut gives a false sense of security. Things are dependable. Things are foreseeable. Every day is the same. There's nothing to be afraid of. When things stay the same, and they do, then the future becomes predictable. The future is as safe as everything else.

Except, it's not. Things change. And because they change, the future changes. Things that once were so dependable, forseeable and safe, aren't anymore. Except, when nothing changes.

When nothing changes The Wait makes us believe that things are going to change eventually. Things aren't as worse as they seem to be, because, one way or another, there's no way a certain situation can persist much much longer than what is humanly acceptable or tolerable. Except, they do.

The Rut is secure.

Security

Security is what keeps you in The Rut, The Wait is what makes you believe there's change right around the corner.

Relationships are a nice example. Let's assume that someone has been living with somebody else for quite some time, but as ballpark figure, let's just imagine at least 10 years. They couldn't have been happier. When they met, the security and dependability one person emanated was so strong, that the other believed that this would be the best option to go with. Fast forward 10 years. Things are still dependable and still foreseeable. It's still the safest, most dependable relationship ever. But there's nothing more. One thinks of divorce, but what makes the one stick with the other in The Rut is: The Wait. The wait for a change.

The thing is, the most secure and foreseeable relationship became exactly that. Secure for everyone involved, and foreseeable. Everything goes according to plan.

I think that's why it's called "security". Secure things are safe. You stick thing X into the machine, and the secure machine produces Y, and exactly Y. Not two W's, not a crooked Y. One exact result only.

So what's so bad about it? No growth. The safest, easiest path, didn't lead to growth.

Do you know what's causing growth? Insecurity.

The Free Fall

The pure will to escape The Rut, and because you're sick of The Wait, is what causes most folks to go the route of insecurity.

When you build a new business, security is the last thing you get. When you split up with someone you spent the last couple of years with, going a new and lonesome path is daring.

Why do you think the "bad boys" do get more women? Is it because they are so dependable? Probably not. Does a man who lives in the now, is playful and fun, radiate adventure? Yes.

I say that going the unsafe way is like:

jumping off a cliff without knowing there's safe ground to land on.

It is the scariest thing in the world. Imagine you'd jump, and see the ground. The more time passes, the closer the ground. There's nothing you can do, except trying not to die.

In reality it's not quite so dramatic. No one dies. The thing is, once you're falling, you will come up with all sorts of possibilities that will make you not hit the ground. You make up business opportunities, you find money, you find friends, you also lose friends. There are tons and tons of changes going on, but security? Not in sight.

What The Free Fall teaches you is trust. The trust and faith that no matter how bad things are, you can always depend on yourself. That you will always be able to feed yourself, that you will earn enough money, that you will have a good life.

Conclusion

I wish I could give advice to my readers -- I can't. I can't help anyone stuck in The Rut. I cannot be the person that helps you leave your comfort zone. Your safe stupid fucking never-changing place. Things do not change. Things are always going to be that way. That thing is a dead end. Also, I'm stuck myself. And above everything else. Who am I to push someone into a free fall?